because a ring makes me feel married...

make-up makes me feel finished, and getting dressed in the morning and moving into the dining room to update the blog makes the unending depression dissipate somehow...

and I think, "Yeah. I could go to yoga tonight. And everything is gonna be okay."

And my new green sweater with red flowers is so cozy and cheery in a place where it's always rainy and cloudy and cold.

And my husband thanked me for making lunch and kissed me very deep and long before he had to go back to work, and he encouraged me to talk when it seemed I needed to. And he listened without becoming aggravated as I brought up an old, sore subject. And he left smiling.

And sometimes things get better. And sometimes, the sun comes out.

My employer had the flu, and so he re-scheduled our first meeting until Monday. I have to admit, I was glad to postpone...I needed this mental break to re-focus before I devote myself yet again to doing something else other than what I was meant for. Again.

My health has been failing. Really sad so say so, but it's true. This week I have been gearing up for an intense cleanse by eating much less than I have been. Already I feel less icky, and the swelling in my knees has gone away. My cycle issues continue to concern me, but I think my body is just cleaning out and trying to re-balance. I wouldn't say I have not emotionally eaten, but I can say that I have been talking more, and exercising restraint, and being patient and at least going to yoga consistently. I can say that I am making progress.

I attempted to make sauerkraut for the first time yesterday. I covered one small food processor, one large blender, one very cheap juicer and a counter top in purple cabbage juice. All that, when I could have just used the cheese grater in the dishwasher. I added water because the cabbage didn't juice on its own. Boy, I hope that's okay. I would hate to waste that cabbage. I could have sauteed it with butter until it was limp and delicious, but I'm really going raw this time, and I have to try sauerkraut sometime.

The sun is out. I think this will be a great summer, and I think I am finally starting to turn my life up.