why not me?...a few random questions

Why do I feel like it's not okay for me to make money?

Why is it not okay for me to have lots of money? Why?

I even have trouble asking the Universe for a rock! I think to myself...oh, no. Other people can keep their rocks, but I, ...it's just not right for me to have rocks.

I'm reading the Secret right now. I have read several other books like it, and so I already know what it's about, but I have forgotten to use the principles I learned two and a half years ago.

The only big thing that I really truly believe I deserve right now is to have a loving, harmonious marriage with the man I married. we never stopped loving each other, but we're just miserable and detached from each other and it's been mutual torture for the both of us. Finally tonight...well, it's past midnight, so last night, I finally realized that in the face of the truth, I have seen our demons lash back at us. What has really been the case is we have seen a couple of really scared demons that don't want to leave...a couple of people who are really scared to let go of the familiarity of pain. We think the pain feels good...but in truth, we just have no sense whatsoever of what "good" feels like--we just know that it isn't pain.

SO...since pain is familiar and safe, and happiness is unfamiliar and threatens pain, we end up perceiving pain as good and happiness as bad.

Last night, within one hour, I cried both out of deep pain and then from profound happiness. At first, I couldn't tell the difference...but once I could, I knew there was hope for me...for us.

In writing this, it's all coming back to me. Even at 1 AM the fog is lifting!

...this IS going to be a great summer!