seeing myself

Seeing myself is difficult.
I see things I don't want to see, I see what I fear, which is proof that what I fear may exist in me actually does exist in me already. All the rules apply to me. I'm not an exception. I'm just a great big "same as everybody else," a great big "I am just like all the people I think are nothing like me--all the people I dislike."

But Namaste and Shanti Shanti and Om Ma Ni Pad Me Hum.

and I really mean that, man.

I just saw a brief video of a man doing some chant and spinning a prayer wheel. He said that if a person was tired of the cycle of death and rebirth, then your problem was not with boredom of the cycle, but boredom of repetition. I don't know if that makes any sense, but this is what it means to me:

I should not be angry that I repeat the same circumstances or make the same choices. The frustration with repetition motivates me to change and to grow. When the whole process of life finally doesn't make me angry, and I take my lessons gladly, without fear, then I will be in a place of true peace. I will love life because I am learning so much.